The ever increasingly stigmatic taboo of (du du DU) Depression!

It's amazing how many topics have become taboo over the past decade. It seems like we're self censoring at this point, as we call each other out over "triggers", labeling one another bigots, racists, sexists, etc. There are so many topics we can't talk about, or we're afraid to talk about, for fear of someone immediately screeching out these insults, instantly marking us, and ostracizing us from our peers. I, myself, have held back many a time from remarking on a post or comment on facebook for this exact fear. In our striving for more acceptance and understanding, we are adversely casting so many out who dare to even utter a thought about the subject(s). Take, for instance, a hugely controversial topic as of late: Depression! Yup, I said it!

I have struggled with "Depression" and "Anxiety" my whole life. I have never taken an SSRI or any other form of prescription medication to treat these. I have, however, taken every "home remedy", herbal remedy, self care remedy under the sun. I have bouts of anxiety and depression these days, but nothing like I used to, and I can tell you why. It doesn't have much to do with medication, or herbal remedies. It does, in part, have to do with diet and exercise, getting enough sun, and surrounding myself with kind people, BUT, it mostly has to do with feeling valued, being respected and honored for my production, and feeling I am a worthy contribution. And that, I believe, is the key.

We live in a society, in a culture, where we perform menial duties at shit jobs, where we are not valued, or compensated appropriately for our contributions. We feel neither enthusiastic, nor challenged. Most of us move about our days on some sort of auto pilot, awaiting our return to our little boxes, so we can veg out on our devices and vices. We don't feel valued. We don't feel as though our individual talents are being utilized efficiently.

There are other factors. Obviously, many of us grew up in toxic households, experiencing numerous accounts of trauma. These contribute to how we are shaped and how we view ourselves, and the world around us, as well as what we've come to expect. For many, the trauma's don't end at childhood, and continue, through military trauma, friends and loved ones dying, postpartum depression (which, in my personal opinion, is just a natural response due to hormonal imbalances and exhaustion), and many more. The trauma's pile up, and many of us are not addressing them, MORE than that, we are not coming to a place of self understanding and acceptance that we are having completely NORMAL human responses, to fucked up situations and circumstances. WE are normal. WE are ok All of us.

I can tell you that 90% of my depression dissipated when I stopped drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, and drinking coffee, which I quit all in the same year. I became an alcoholic pretty early on, during some of my most formative years. I believe that it shaped my neurological wiring to skew the way I perceived the world. I developed severe paranoia, to the point where I wouldn't leave my house sometimes, for fear of my neighbors judgment. I thought the world was out to get me. I partook in the occasional street drug, but I never delved to deeply in any of that. My drug was alcohol. And I was hooked. I was looking to get back to that high, that one time I felt elated, that all my troubles melted away, and I was, at last, happy. But somewhere along the way, I dragged myself, and all those around me, down, spiraling, deteriorating my body and my mind. It got out of control, and I allowed myself to be in some not so savory situations which led to some pretty severe trauma. That was when I decided it wasn't serving me any more, and I quit. It's been 5 1/2 years. And I've never felt better.

Healing from alcoholism took some time, and it's been a long road to recovery, but I feel like I've finally pushed through, and came to a place of possibility. I had children, 2 beautiful, amazing little creatures which have enriched my life with purpose and value in a way I never thought imaginable. Then I went and got my Yoga Teacher Certification, and I've been teaching. Being a mother and a Yoga Teacher are fulfilling my life with a sense of valuable purpose. And yet, I strive for more. I'm also a musician, and take every chance I get to make music, endeavoring to once again write and record albums, and perform. I have goals, things to look forward to, which excite me, beyond the daily menial tasks, which I still feel value in, because I know I'm working to foster beautiful lives for these two little chitlins I'm raising. I'm paving my own path now. And it's hard. But it's wonderful.

I still have bouts of insecurity, social anxiety, feeling like I don't belong, but I've now come to realize how HUMAN all of these feelings and responses are, and I don't feel so much like an alien anymore.

There is a society somewhere in Africa, that when U.S. doctors suggested the introduction of antidepressants, replied they already have their own antidepressants, and that they had no need for our western remedies. When one was feeling depressed, they altered their daily life to make sure that the tasks they were completing made them feel useful and of value. The depression would completely dissipate. I'm not going to touch on antidepressants. I'm not going to tell you not to take them. I'm just telling you there are (better?) options. Maybe we should work hard to remove ourselves from current toxic circumstances, and strive to find that place where we are of valuable use. That's all. That's it. I don't want to start an antidepressant war (which I found myself in on facebook earlier this year, YUCK!), I just want to offer my opinion without fear of stigmatic attack. My intentions are pure and come from a place of love, understanding, and an earnestness to help us all. We are sick. In so many ways. I want for us all to get well.

Namaste!